|
| Surgery.
Doctors NEVER tell you how much it's going to hurt. To them, it's a procedure they do on people "standardly." It's normal. But to the patient? It's nothing close to normal. It's not being able to walk - not being able to move - to do anything for themselves. Almost two weeks ago, I had surgery on my knee. They did a scope (which, yes, is pretty normal), but then they had to cut my muscles so that they could move my kneecap to the place where it's supposed to be. So, I came out of it with not only tremendous pain in my knee, but a muscle that probably won't feel completely normal for three months, and a foot that I couldn't move fully until yesterday. I can now move all my toes, and it feels like such an accomplishment.
This has taught me so much. I never really appreciated how easy it was to get around. I never really... considered how hard people in wheelchairs can have it. But then this happened - and I became closer with someone that I knew, but didn't really know. See, she's in a wheelchair right now too. So, we basically bonded over being handicapped together. But hers is so much worse than mine, because she got in a car accident and broke bones. I'm insanely proud of her, she stands up so strongly, and even though she thinks she's lazy for not trying more, I believe that she's trying. She shows a strong side, no matter how hard she's feeling it that day. I feel for her, because she's had her leg situation for a lot longer than I have... and I'll probably recover quicker, because it's a less serious thing. But even when I'm healed again, I'm not going to put her out of my life because she's in a wheelchair. I know how hard it is to see friends when you can't go out, and you live out of town. People just don't want to travel that far to see you - even if it's just 10 minutes (hers is farther than that, and I even understand with mine only being 10 minutes). The friendships that grow from the most random, sucky things, can be amazing. I talk to her more than I talk to friends that I've had for years - and I don't have a reason why. It's not like I'm trying to push my non-gimpy friends away. :P
I can say that I will never take my legs for granted again. Not being able to get up and get food, or go to the bathroom by myself.. it's showed just how much I've had to rely on other people these past few weeks and it sucks. When people are fully healthy, they never want to do anything for themselves - they're always like "Moooooom, can you make me a sammich?" But I hate that I can't get up and make myself that freakin' sandwich. I can't go raid the cupboard and see what I want anymore, I have to think about what I think might be appetizing and then ask my mom if we have it. I'm sure you all know how hard it is to know what you want to eat without raiding the cupboard - cuz most people just raid cupboards to find something to eat. Another thing that's really hard now is getting outside, up and down the stairs, with ice and snow. I was okay without it, I never fell. But as soon as it snowed? Christmas Day, I had my first fall. I was going up the steps on the deck outside so I could get in the house. I slipped, somehow... I don't even know how it happened. But I can't even describe how much it hurt. I only have a wrap holding my knee straight (scary thought - it has to come off today or tomorrow... yikes).... and all I remember is that it REALLY hurt my quad and my foot. Somehow I landed on my toes, and they were tingling like a mad man. I can't even describe it.
All I can say is... appreciate what you wouldn't normally. Appreciate your legs - they help you get around. Appreciate your arms, they help you reach things. Appreciate walking - standing - never take it for granted, because it can be taken from you... and when it is, it really sucks.
| | |
| [I was talking to a friend of mine today, and I was really inspired. He was saying how down he was on himself lately, how he really should change his ways or he's really going to become someone he doesn't want to be. What came of that, was this poem. I wrote it about 20 minutes ago. It just flew out of my fingers on to the page. I barely thought about anything. I showed it to him, and he said that he really thinks a lot of girls everywhere could relate to what I wrote. I just hope that it helps at least one person who reads it. You're all beautiful. <3]
I guess you could say I'm a simple girl.
That is, if girls can be simple.
I've got the necessary packages.
I've got the tits.
I've got the less than flat stomach that I'd love to be flat.
I've got the big eyes and the long-ish hair.
What don't I have?
I don't have the 'necessary attributes.'
The ones that I 'need' to fit in.
I don't swoon over 'pretty boys'.
Not at parties, school, or the mall.
I don't stare at guys asses
I don't assess every detail and embed it to my memory.
I don't see the point.
I can't be a Barbie.
I can't be plastic.
I can't have a perfect figure.
I am an ordinary girl.
I have flaws.
I make mistakes.
I can hate how I look.
But I am human.
I have feelings.
I get called names.
I get picked on.
I get laughed at.
I fall down.
But I always stand back up again.
I always know I'm better than that.
I'm better than they make me feel.
Because I am beautiful.
I've got a voluptuous upper curve.
I've got food in my belly, and I don't starve myself.
I've got sexy eyes, and short sexy hair.
I guess you could say I'm a simple girl. | | |
| I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the one working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don’t believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am a warrior for my country serving proud, but can’t be my true self because gays aren’t allowed in the military.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I’m a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
I am the who isn’t sure what she is. I am the who is rejected by her “best friends” because of a less-than-conventional crush.
I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to “teach me a lesson.”
This is the boy, Matthew Shepard. On October 7, 1998 Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson lead him to a remote area east of Laramie where they demonstrated unimaginable acts of brutality . Matthew was tied to a split-rail fence where he was beaten and left to die in the cold of the night. Almost 18 hours later he was found by a cyclist who initially mistook him for a scarecrow. Matthew died on October 12 at 12:53 am at a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. Murdered because he was gay.
If you believe that homophobia is wrong, then reblog this.
If you are ignorant, then ignore this.
Homophobia is disgusting.
 | | |
| What happens when you realize that you're attracted to a friend? Do you go through "Oh Shit" Syndrome and back completely off of them? Do you start talking to them more often, and try to flirt? What if you're scared? What if none of your friends talk to this person; does that make it easier, or harder? Will they judge you?
Erase those questions.
Feelings are feelings, no matter who they are for. It's okay to date friends, it's okay to date people outside of your social circle, and it's okay to want to. Happiness isn't sold at drug stores, you can't just go out and pick up a prescription and expect to fall in love with the next person you lay eyes on. Happiness comes whenever it comes, and that's that. The feeling of happiness with someone is so extraordinary that if you tried to explain what you felt for said friend, people might have a hard time understanding it. They might think they understand; but they might not have felt that way before, so it is different to them. They're trying to understand, or maybe they're living vicariously through you. Regardless, the above questions are completely irrelevant - if you have feelings for someone: GO FOR IT!
If they're your friend, talk to them about it. True friendship will withstand some awkward moments of "I like you" if the other person doesn't feel the same way. If your friends don't talk to the person, maybe it's easier because they can't tell you "what's wrong with them" to make you change your mind. If your friends judge you, are they really your friends?
Consider going for your feelings in the case of trying to start something with someone. Ignore the questions you have in your head about what your friends might think and just go for it. Be spontaneous, and don't take advice right from the start - you never know where it will take you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sorry it's been so long since I updated. I had an amazing time on my trip to Europe, it was fantastic! I'll post pictures if you ask me to, but I'm not going to do it without anyone asking, cuz I figure it'd probably be a boring post if I did that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
All of these pictures were brought to Xanga by me, I found them elsewhere:
| | |
|
